I think it’s the meditation. No, really.
For the last few weeks I’ve nailed down the morning routine and life has changed. (home workout followed by meditation with Waking Up then a light breakfast) The big boards are underway and the search for composition is a curiosity rather than anxiety. The first pass is all about getting something down and building in constraints. I’ve carried over the palette from the green series so choices are limited. Too much freedom can be paralyzing.
Now I’m in the phase of shape shifting and finding directions. Studio Pink and tinted greens add contrast through color and value. The painting is 5 ft. by 6 ft. and it’s difficult to really see it in totality. Tempting to stay in one little corner and paint your heart away yet, I’ve learned it’s better to be a hummingbird and feed from many flowers. Soon I’ll move the boards to the floor where I can get a “bigger picture” and when I have courage I’ll stand them up against the wall for the truth.
I’ll do a double meditation on that day.
I have my morning tea in the studio now. My socks collect bits of wax as I circle the big boards in a “get to know” you dance. Some scraping, some torching. Touch to connect. I’ve got an hour or so before I take care of Mr. First.
In a previous life I would’ve checked email, looked at Instagram and gone down the rabbit hole of no return. No more. I’m totally present and responding to what is in front of me. No forward looking or rear view mirror. Serves me well as I pull the skillet plugs and continue the morning mood with Mr. First.
Life with him has improved too. My calm presence is his calm presence. We’re having the best rides despite being in rehab and only able to walk and trot. We’re up to 9 trots in 40″! I’m amazed at his composure (mostly) and ability now to regulate his energy: from an alert high to a low relaxation. I owe this to the fact that I’m now keenly aware of how our energies need to work together.
motorcycles, water trucks, bicyclists, a crazy man,
FedEx drivers who honk hello,
birds appearing and disappearing in shadows
We’re beginning to laugh at these noises and keep on going.
He’s teaching me to find peace in the midst of external pressure. Going to need it in the next few months.